Deployments...Valentine's Day

Since it is Valentine's Day, and I know some of you are having to be without that special someone on this day, let me first say...my heart goes out to you! It's never easy to be separated from the one you love, especially on special days where it'll seem like everyone around you is clinging to their loved one but you. Been there, did it two years in a row, and would rather not do it again. I was, however, reminded that no matter the distance we are still very much in love and have much to celebrate.

If you find yourself alone today, call up a friend in the same boat, love on your kids, or prepare a care package. That's what I did. I made sure to have some packages that got there in time for Valentine's Day, but also sent another package out the next morning that I had filled with all sorts of things to say "I'm celebrating our love"...

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To my husband...

I'm so thankful you are HOME with me this Valentine's Day. I love you with all my heart!!

Deployments...Three Months Down

It was mid-October at three months down. My birthday falls mid-October. I would say it's difficult when they're gone any birthday, holiday, special event... I don't really remember much about this month except that we were still losing Soldiers and it was difficult. I remember my daughter threw me a birthday party at her house and several of my friends came, and we had a good time. I think the word "celebrate" wasn't really in my vocabulary (until the day my husband returned home for good), but we had a good time. By this time in the journey, I was thinking about it being half-way to R&R and in three months I would see his face again and feel his touch. You have to find things to look forward to...

Also, by three months down I was really close to several of the women in our battalion, and felt a part of the "family". It felt good. I had struggled before the deployment to really feel a part of the "family". I think it's something everyone goes through... God had blessed me with some wonderful friends and it was something I had really desired to take place long before, but I think sometimes it's difficult for people to warm up to us chaplain wives. I could be wrong...but I would be interested to hear what other chaplain wives think... I know, after I got to know some of the ladies well, they shared their fears of being close to me since they weren't "religious". They soon came to find out that didn't matter to me. I wanted to know them and become friends just like any other woman would want. Thankfully, that opportunity came with the deployment, and I wouldn't trade those times of great laughter and even great tears for anything. Except for the lives of our Soldiers.

Thinking through the deployment isn't easy. This time last year my husband had probably just gotten back on the battlefield from having been gone for R&R (it takes longer to return than to get home for R&R). We were given two weeks together and it was wonderful!!! Saying good-bye again, however, was not. I teased him a lot about restraining him and not letting him return. :) But, I knew he must return and that his men needed him there. I think knowing it's what the Lord has called us to do makes it easier...and when I say easier I don't mean it like it was easy to do at all, just that God gave me the strength to somehow let go and watch him step on that plane to go back to a very dangerous place.

I'm thankful it's over and he's home. I am thankful for this Army life, even when it's difficult, and thankful for all the Lord has done. My heart goes out to all enduring a deployment right now!

Deployments...A few photos for today

The Chapel. They started out with these benches, but my husband was able to get chairs so they could fit more people in the Chapel. Not only Soldiers attended services there; he also had contractors from all over the world. He loved it! Also, once they got Internet service, I was able to watch most of the services via Skype. It was awesome!! Before Skype, my husband was kind enough to video the services and send them to me...something I really appreciated since I missed his preaching so much.

My husband set up a room inside the chapel that he called "The Chap Ex"...a place the Soldiers could come to get toiletries, snacks of all sorts, movies, books and such for free. We had several people who sent boxes on a regular basis to keep it stocked well. The twins and I liked to fill a box (or two, or three) and send out at least once a week. Thank you to everyone who sent boxes! The Soldiers really appreciated it.

Baptism downrange. They were able to cut this broken water tank and use it for baptisms. It was winter there at this time so they brought it into the chapel.

Memorial built downrange by Soldiers to honor their brothers killed in combat.

Deployments...Two Months Down

About six weeks into their deployment things got rough. On Sept. 14, 2009 we lost two great Soldiers. I wrote about that some in my post "Forever Changed" - you can click here to read if you haven't already...since what I write later won't make much sense if you haven't. It's still not easy to think about all the lives that are forever changed (there were even more lost after that post), but I find comfort in knowing those families are doing well.

It was difficult to leave my friend, Sarah, but I know God has placed people in her life to bring encouragement, and that even the miles between us won't take away our friendship. Her sweet baby girl is such a blessing and I am so thankful the Lord blessed her with this beautiful child. Andrew - her husband, as well as all our other Soldiers who paid the ultimate sacrifice, will never be forgotten.

After posting "Forever Changed" I didn't get back on my blog to write for quite a while. It was a difficult time working a full time job, taking care of my family, and with all the other things we had going on in our battalion and brigade I just had to step back. It was much more important to me to spend time with people. I'm praying to be able to recall as much as possible to write it now...so we'll see how it goes.

I'll end by saying I really had no idea we would endure so many casualties during this deployment. I knew very quickly it was going to be bad, and my heart broke time and time again as I sat with family after family who lost their hero. I thank God He allowed me to be there, even in the midst of such a difficult time. Those families are precious to me, and I was honored to help however needed or be a shoulder to cry on.

I'm thankful my husband was able to be there in Afghanistan for the Soldiers of our great nation during such difficult circumstances, even though I missed him terribly, and so very thankful for the many who returned home to their families. Many are still hurting from what they experienced or endured from being blown up themselves and injured in some way. Our continued prayers for them, and their families, are important. Take time to pray even if you don't know them by name!

Deployments...One Month Down

At this point it was still very, very painful to have my best friend gone every day. I would find myself still waiting for him to come walking through the door, like he was just down the road on post. It's a strange feeling. I think once you've known someone for so long (we're about to celebrate 24 years of marriage this month) it's impossible not to feel a void when they're not around.

Looking back I don't recall what all happened the first month, but I remember him arriving at Kandahar and soon experiencing the death of Soldiers. It wasn't Soldiers from our Post, but he still prayed over a few men that had been killed, and participated in their Ramp Ceremony. He asked me to watch for reports of their deaths and write down their names in my journal. Month one was just a peak of what was to come...

Kids & the Military

Yesterday was a very difficult day. I got a call from the school here saying that the school we came from was not going to give the twins credit for last semester. When my husband received orders we went to the school to talk to them about it, knowing we would have to move before the semester ended. Here it ended with Christmas break; there it ended last Friday. The first words out of the registrar's mouth were, "Can't you just stay here until January 28?"...NO. I was shocked. We're in the military. We move when they say move. If the boys and I did stay, that's pretty much two months of separating our family, making two house payments - with a BAH change not in our favor, deciding what stays and what goes, my husband picking out a house by himself, the twins starting the semester here a month late...need I say more?! After just coming off of a year long deployment, and the headaches listed above, NO ONE would be able to talk us into that!

To make a long story short, they told us we would just have to take their current grades with us and the school here could accept them (or reject them)....which we're finding out isn't the case. The school they left has to decide whether or not to give them credit, and they have said no they won't give them credit...or so the first person I talked to said. And we called and talked to everyone both here and there that would answer their phone, left many messages and got no calls back, and talked to both military liaison's here and there, and...well...we still have no answers.

Needless to say, we're fighting this!!! It's just not right. The children of our service men and women deserve better than this! Please pray for this situation, and for our twins. They worked hard and were in school until the day we had to depart. Just a week before Christmas break, with many driving miles in between. They're just innocent kids caught in the mess of it all...hoping and praying they don't have to redo a whole semester, and lose credit for being in school for months before our departure, working hard, and getting no credit for it. Not to mention, it could happen to us again before they graduate from high school. There has to be something to help military kids through transitions like this.

Deployments...Afternoon of the First Day

I was thinking I might get a little farther than the first day, but then I got to thinking about not just the leaving but what occurred later in the day...so I'll continue on the first day.

After I was able to hold it together for a little while, I told the kids (at this time our daughter and her husband were still stationed at Fort Lewis as well so that means all but our oldest son when I say "the kids") I would take them to Olive Garden for a lunch...it's one of those comfort food type of places, right?! Little did I know God had already put someone in place to give me encouragement - our waitress.

Walking to our table, the waitress asked how our day was going. I said it was a tough day and my husband had just deployed to Afghanistan...thinking like most people she would just say, "Oh," and not really know what to say next. However, she reached back and touched me and told me she was so sorry.

At her touch, my heart melted. I had to go to the restroom and try to compose myself. I am certain it was more than the words she said, and the encouragement she tried to give. Her touch said I really do care. Her touch reminded me that I would not feel my husband's touch until he returned for two short weeks of R&R, but mostly that I would not feel his touch for nearly a year of my life. And, her touch reminded me that God knew my pain and was near.

Each time she came to check on how our meal was going, she would check on me as well...and every time I would have to go to the restroom to compose myself. The kids giggled after a while, but also felt the pain of his departure. We tried not to dwell on it...but honestly, it was just about ALL I could think about that day. We had been apart before with other deployments when he was in the Air Force, but never a whole year and never to such a dangerous place. I couldn't wrap my mind around either of those thoughts and, to this day, I'm not quite sure how people without the Lord make it through those dark times.

I'll end day one with this word of encouragement - My heart ached like never before, but God was faithful to bring strength and comfort and see us through to a new day.

Deployments

I'm thinking it's time I start blogging a little about what the deployment was like since I didn't do too much of that while my husband was away. I'm going to try to come up with ideas on what I'd like to write about, but if anyone has any questions please feel free to ask away, and I'll try to answer you as best I can. Maybe that will be the easiest way to start. Maybe I'll start with his departure day...

The moment he drove away from the battalion area was horrible. I've never, ever cried so hard in my entire life. I could barely breathe. It felt like someone was literally riping my heart out, and I wondered how I would be able to handle the next 12 months of my life.

Getting to stay for the ceremony and hear my husband pray over the Soldiers was wonderful, but when they walked towards the bus I walked to where I thought he was going so I could give him one last hug. Unfortunately, the (loud and way-too-hyper-for-the-occasion) bus driver led him another direction. He got on the 2nd bus at the very back and not being able to touch him one last time seemed to take its toll on me. I think I would have been better off had I got that one last hug. Instead, we just looked at each other through the window at the back of the bus and cried.

Looking back I don't know what I could have done differently to make that day easier...I don't think there is anything actually. It is what it is - HARD! If you're nearing a deployment with your spouse, my first piece of advice is make every moment count before they leave. Hold on to each other tight and don't fret the small stuff. I won't tell you to not count down the days because you will do it anyway. We tried, and there's just no way not to count down.

As I end this post, I'd like to remind everyone to continue to pray for those in harm's way and the families they leave behind, and the families who lost their loved one. Thanks!

Beautiful Morning!

Though I see them every day, they still amaze me. Out our front window are beautiful mountains, and out our back window is the bright sunshine. So bright that I could stand to use my sunglasses in the house. I love opening up our curtains in the morning and seeing the beauty all around me.

Though I've known Him a long time, God still amazes me. He never changes, He's always there, yet still He is beauty to my eyes.

May this day be filled with His goodness and grace, and may the things we experience bring us back to give Him praise at the end of our day!

Family Project

Last week my husband mentioned building a tactical gear stand for his office, so I decided to try to find one with directions on-line one morning when it came to mind. After finding a picture with directions, I wrote down materials needed and directions, and emailed my husband to let him know it would be fun to build it together this weekend.

So off to Lowe's we all went on Saturday, purchasing a 4x4 post, three 2x4's and some screws. And, we even had enough material to build his assistant one as well. Here's a picture of our work...one loaded with his gear (and some pins that have special meaning to this journey we're on), and the other a gift to his assistant.

It was an easy build, and lots of fun to do as a family. My husband and one of the twins cut the wood, and the other twin and I did some sanding to make it look nice and have a smooth feel to it.

I find a lot of meaning behind this look of his tactical gear hanging on a cross...

It makes me think of Luke 9:23 where Jesus says, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." The gear makes me think about the scriptures I studied this morning about putting on the full armor of God (Ephesians 6:11-17). It also makes me think of why they wear the gear...and where they wear it. Which brings about a new thought...to be honest, there are days I have to put on the full armor of God in order to take up my cross and follow Jesus.

There are times I don't feel like following where He leads. Sometimes where He leads us isn't fun or exciting and requires complete trust in Him. Sometimes where He leads us isn't easy and we're sort of dragging the cross, instead of carrying it, hoping He will change His mind when He sees it's so difficult for us. Other times we throw that cross up on our shoulders and take off running, thinking we can conquer the world, only to find out it's not as easy as we imagined it would be. I've done all these things and had to trust in what I know God to be, and that is faithful. He has walked every step of the way with me and, though I've struggled with certain areas of this journey in the chaplaincy (like the deployment), God has been good and I've grown from those rough moments.

If you are reading this and are struggling to pick up your cross today, I understand. It's a daily thing and each day has its challenges, as well as its rewards. My prayer is that we will see the One who was nailed to the cross and who is victorious over sin and death, and that we will live in a way that brings honor and glory to His name. He knows our struggles; He knows our hearts...yet, He loves us and gives us the strength to follow even when the cross is heavy. May your day be filled with the joy of His salvation.