Saturday, April 4, 2009

Hello Again!

I know...it's been a long time! Even for someone who loves to write, there are certain times it's just hard to put into writing what my heart feels.

A little over a week ago, I was given a calendar during our FRG meeting that I didn't really think a whole lot about at the time, but the next day at work I was writing down all the days off my husband will have before he deploys and it hit me like a ton of bricks - I was holding three months in my hand (April, May and June)...the last of the time left before he would leave for ONE YEAR!

ONE WHOLE YEAR (minus two weeks of R & R!) without the love of my life, my best friend, my favorite person in the whole world...

Since that day, every night when I roll over and feel his body next to mine in the middle of the night, I feel the sadness come over me. Some nights I cry. Some nights I try to hold him close without waking him. Some nights I imagine that day when he'll have to walk away from us and wonder how much agony he will go through. Some nights I imagine what the day of his return will be like. Some nights I think about the unthinkable and ask God to bring him home safely to us. Some nights I simply ask the Lord to help me to be strong and help me fall back asleep.

A few times I've cried at random, weird moments. Like the moment we got in the car after walking through the camping section at a store yesterday. We just ran in to get a baseball cap for the twins and wandered that direction and BAM! it hits me...this summer won't be the same. Everyone else in the car was talking about baseball, since the boys had just found out they made the team, and I'm crying like a baby and trying to hide it. My husband mentions to me a lot how he wonders how much the twins will change in the year he is gone, especially now that they have braces. I know it makes him sad.

See why I haven't blogged lately...haha! When I type it all out I feel like I sound so down or something. I'm not though! I know the One who brings strength and encouragement and peace that passes all understanding. I certainly can't explain it any other way! I still smile. I still feel joy and peace even knowing it won't be easy. I still trust God with His plans for our lives, knowing this is His plan for my husband to minister to the soldiers that He places under his care. In fact, just this Friday, as I watched soldiers march on both sides of my car as I drove to work and they went about their weekly road march, I was filled with joy that he will be there for our country's brave men when they face difficult moments. I wouldn't want it any other way because I know it's the Lord's will.

11 comments:

Alicia said...

I got a knot in my stomach just reading this, so I know what you are going through must be completely surreal right now. I want you to know I'll be here reading your blog and praying you through that deployment!

LAURIE said...

You are in my prayers Laura. I know how difficult it has been to not see and touch Jeremy now for 8 months and how much his new bride longs for him and misses him and worries about him. Thank you for your comment, it was very timely to hear from my friend. One who understands exactly what it is all about. Of course you probably heard that north korea launched the missile yesterday. Jeremy has been in training for this and we could not get in touch with him all day and worried but we finally got thru to him and he is fine. But the risk is much higher now. Please pray for him and his safety. He will be released from Korea the first week of august. I just can't hardly wait!!!! Where is your husband being deployed to? Is he going to Iraq? He is in my prayers! -love, Laurie

Pinkshoelady said...

Hi Laura,
I am praying for you and your family.
My husband is still in the process of signing up for the Army Chaplaincy. We are waiting for our denominational endorsement. The endorsement process for our denomination has as much or more paperwork than the Army itself.
We are hoping and praying that Mike can enter either the June or September school.
I appreciatte your honesty and being real about your feelings. I am feeling similiar things as we look at Mike being away from us at school. No comparrison to being deployed for a year. Your honesty lets me know its ok to feel and express.
Praying for you
Pamela

Amy Maxwell said...

Oh friend, I have been there! Hold him close for the next three months. That year apart will be hard, but God is good. Somehow, you'll be closer and love each other even more when he comes home. You'll be closer to God too and amazed at how strong you are.

The Parson's Wife said...

Thank you for sharing. For those of us who are trying to figure out how our lives will be when our dh is a chaplain, instead of parish pastor, this really "keeps it real". I adore my sweet man too, he is my comfort, my best friend... yet I know that Christ is one of perfect love and care, so leaning on His peace is where HE wants me to be... and I see that in your words and post. We heard from DC via email, and may go in May instead of September! CH-BOLC... waiting for the official orders, you know the drill...

Praying for your next three months, and then again for your next 12...

Seeker of Truth said...

Hi....my husband and I just got into seminary and are leaving this fall to begin the chaplaincy program there (God-willing it is His plan). We are very excited about it, but I do get scared of deployment every now and then. I read your blog and felt the sadness of having your husband leave. But I then read your previous post with his clips and felt a complete peace and faith in knowing that if my husband has to leave one day too, then there is no better reason to have to leave than to serve people in Christ's name. Thank you for writing and I'll be praying for you.

Jenn Raburn said...

Laura, thanks for writing this post. The Lord has blessed me through your ministry...you are always a few steps ahead of where we are and it helps to know that you are making it and how you are making it. Talks are of deployment a year from when Kevin deploys. Tim is with an MI unit here at Ft Bragg. Thanks for your honesty and sharing your heart.

MaryLu said...

Laura,
My heart hurts for you. We've been through two deployments already and they are always tough. But God is sovereign and in control and has your sweetheart in the palm of His hand.
We've gotten word to push Bear's packet through. The glich is in the process of being smoothed over but don't stop praying. I am regaining my stumbling faith.

The Parson's Wife said...

Wanted to let you know- CH-BOLC in May, first duty station Fort Bliss!!! Keep us in your prayers, God is good!

Sheryll said...

Hey Laura! This is the hardest part - just knowing - just waiting. I encourage you to focus in on this precious time that you have with Kevin - share together God's joy and peace. Standing on God's trust and knowing that He has surrounded you with a mighty host of prayers, you and your family will see that the deployment will go by quickly. They are not fun but knowing that this is God's calling for your family, what other place would you'd rather be but right in the middle of His will. He will protect and provide!!
Love you,
Sheryll

Meredith said...

I know exactly what you mean!! You can't help but think about those sad things but there is a certain peace that comes from knowing that even this very difficult thing has you in the midst of God's will. It's kind of like you are a walking oxymoron - crying with a sense of peace. You are in my prayers, more and more!