Over the last few days I've done a lot of reflecting, and what I discovered is this:
- I allowed other things to creep in and distract me from the most important relationship ever, my relationship with Christ!
- I allowed the weight of "my world" to fall on my shoulders and was not giving it to God.
- I was allowing things that I have no control over (like the upcoming deployment of my husband) to control me and get the best of me.
- I was not growing.
- I was not focused on anything significant or eternal...and so on.
But...PRAISE GOD...He did not leave me. He used a book on a shelf, while I was walking through a store praying to Him to help me get out of the rut I was in, to catch my attention - "A Woman After God's Own Heart"...that is my desire, I told Him! I want to be that woman - one who seeks to know Him and grow in my relationship with Him each day, one who doesn't allow the day to day demands or struggles get to me in such a way that I lose focus of what God would have me learn or experience for His glory.
Two weeks ago, early on a Sunday morning, I believe God woke me up and laid it on my heart to go get my bible and read Joshua 1. I did, and He spoke to my heart. Three times in the first nine verses of Chapter 1, God told Joshua to be strong and courageous. He told him to meditate on His Word day and night. He told him not to be discouraged and that He would be with him wherever he went. I believe God was telling me the same things that morning.
You would have thought that the next day I would have gone back to His Word and started in Chapter 2 of Joshua, but I didn't. Here's the catch. After about an hour of prayer and drawing near to God last night, I felt like God was leading me to pick up another book I had purchased by the same author and go directly to the chapter on Fear. I hated jumping into the middle of the book, especially when I was hardly through the first one I started reading this week. Do you know it took me right into Chapter 2 of Joshua?! In that very moment I knew that for two weeks I had missed out on what God wanted to show me the very next day in Chapter 2, and so on.
My heart has ached, and all the while God was trying to speak to me...trying to comfort me...trying to teach me something new about who HE is in my life. I would pray off and on throughout the day, but mainly for my husband and his soldiers and other people in my life who asked for prayer, but I was neglecting to draw near to God.
Today my heart is whole again. In fact, that took place last night as I surrendered everything to the One who knows me from the inside out, the One who knows what the future holds and what is best for me and my family, and the One who is in control of all things and is victorious! My heart is renewed!
Psalm 51:10 says, "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." That was my prayer, and he was faithful! Psalm 51:12 says, "Restore to me the joy of my salvation..." That, too, He has been faithful to do! I praise Him for a renewed heart and a renewed focus.